Day 67

I get this e-mail, see, informing me that I got a private message on the Culture Is Not Optional message board. I haven't really read much on that board in a while, so I check the message, thinking it'd be from one of the cool people that run the site. The message is benignly titled (something like, "Hey!"), from someone I don't know. I open it.

Whoops! It's a spam account, and below the uncomfortable semi-nude photo attached is this amazing message. I highlighted several key phrases that'll I'll touch upon.

"More info about me:
I live in Russia in the capital
Moscow. I'm 26 years old. I'm elegant blond woman, tender and cheerful, tactful,
patient, with sense of humor, a little bit shy. I do body-flex and
tennis. I'm interested in the teaching of the jogs.
I want to create family with interesting man.
I imagine you to have middle or a little bit higher height, normal
shape, slender; I want you to be intelligent, have sincere attitude to
other's shortcomings and not want to rebuild the world; clever
optimist with the sense of the duty. I am waiting for the letter from
you. I shall answer evrybody! Clik here..."

Oh, those Russians. I have, like, zero tolerance for this kind of thing, but the letter tickled--scratched, even--my funny bone. (Tickled enough that I cut-and-pasted the wordage before deleting the message and alerting the forum moderation.)

Let's see:

"I'm interested in the teaching of the jogs."-- Who are these jogs? After the elegant, flowing sentence that preceded, this sentence sounds like some sort of SNL joke using Eastern Europeans as the punchline. Olga and I, have we many of the jogs and of the teachings.

"I want to create family with interesting man."-- Add one part interesting man, two parts cane sugar, mix with turpentine, and let sit for an hour. Tada! You've created a family!

"I want you to be intelligent"-- Me too.

"the sense of the duty."-- The lost book Faulkner never finished.

"I am waiting for the letter from you. I shall answer evrybody!"-- So her message wasn't just personal, but personal and widescale. SHE wants to HEAR from ME! And evrybody (sic) else!

And I actually fell for it and opened it. Blargh.

posted, with grace and poise, by Jason @ 11/11/2006 05:18:00 PM,

4 Comments:

At 8:36 PM, Blogger James said...

At least she's tactful.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Jeff Robinson said...

Duty, that's the sense they always seem to skip in kindergarten. Sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste... and duty. It's probably because up until the age of 17, most males will burst out laughing when someone says they word.

My favorite part is when she imagines you. I've always thought of you as a man of normal shape.

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger Big Al said...

I think some definitions are in place:

What truly is elegant? SHY (I don't think so)? What is interesting (i'm sure there are a lot of "interesting" men out there)? Normal shape (would that be pear, apple, watermelon)? Intelligent (what is intelligent anways, that can mean a lot of different things)? Duty to what?

What do you have to lose anyway, Jason, you can be whatever you want according to her e-mail...

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger Big Al said...

I think some definitions are in place:

What truly is elegant? SHY (I don't think so)? What is interesting (i'm sure there are a lot of "interesting" men out there)? Normal shape (would that be pear, apple, watermelon)? Intelligent (what is intelligent anways, that can mean a lot of different things)? Duty to what?

What do you have to lose anyway, Jason, you can be whatever you want according to her e-mail...

 

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