Day 248-- Homesick for the home I never had

As I've been sorting through all of the CDs I'm getting rid of, I've been reintroduced to scads of great tunes I had forgotten over the past few years. One was a song called "Homesick" by the band Soul Asylum; granted, I'm not keeping the album from which the song originates, but listening to it on my computer made a few things click in my head.

Here is the chorus:

And oh, I am so homesick
But it ain't that bad
'Cause I'm homesick for the home I never had

I'm not entirely sure what Dave Pirner was intending with his word choice, but it eversomuch struck a chord with me.

I spent the bulk--24 years!--of my life calling Hopewell Township home. In theory, at least; it never felt like home. When I go back to Hopewell, I get distressed or anxious. Sunlight seems to linger around strip malls and rushed landscaping jobs, like some divine spotlight pointing out the blight. Hopewell is the worst suburbia has to offer, and I still hesitate before going back to visit my family.

And I suppose this is weird. Many youth grow up to consider the home of their childhood as "home." I cannot do this. I feel more welcome in Denver or Grand Rapids, two cities in which I've spent limited amounts of time (this could also be because they're both incredibly welcoming cities). Regardless, I didn't think I would ever be able to feel totally welcome, no matter where I lived.

But I think I'm ready for Beaver Falls to be my home. I'm slowly learning more about my neighborhood: the way certain trees arc over the street, which houses have which dogs, how the dips in the sidewalk angle. And I have to the desire to give to the community; I just want the community (if that makes sense).

I have a few friends--one in particular--that have recently moved Beaver Falls, but are still homesick in some ways. I really want them to embrace the area. But I think I need to do that first, and believe me--I can relate to them in a way. I've been homesick my entire life.

posted, with grace and poise, by Jason @ 5/12/2007 12:16:00 AM,


At 11:54 AM, Blogger Big Al said...

I love how you described the trees and the sidewalks and their shapes/unevenness. The small seemingly points of ignorance become the noticeable areas of appreciation. I'm not a writer and yet I want to agree in such a way that shows my longing and appreciation of this post.

I think the more we walk and breath it all in the more we call a place home. The more we spend time with the porches, sidewalks, and corner stores we see home as more than a simple place or a building/structure.

good post friend.


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