That I am a hypocrite is a given; everyone is, to one degree or another. But it's different for me, probably worse than the normal things people are hypocritical about.

I critique music and get paid for it. I guess that makes me a critic. It comes naturally to some people. Not so to me; I like to talk about and tell people about art that I think is noteworthy, but that's really it. Even if I think something isn't up to snuff, I try to see some redeeming points to it and see where it could be better.

So maybe that's why I can't take criticism. I can dish it out (sort of), but can't take it. I used to be much worse when I was younger, and I got defensive about everything--even constructive comments. I've gotten to the point where I'm comfortable about how I look or act enough that critical comments only end up helping me. But when it involves anything I write or something that ties into my "art"...that's a different story.

As a result, I take an obscene amount of time when I write. I mull things over, spend hours debating on the order of three words, toss and turn at night because I submitted something to an editor before I noticed a typo. Stuff like that. Negative comments, like the one from Anonymous on post #11 (which was probably a friendly correction to begin with) end up hitting like a brass-knuckled slug to the nose. I start doubting myself, I get depressed. I make posts like this.

Lord God, help me. If I even get anything published on a national level, I need to get much thicker skin between now and then. Maybe I can't take criticism because I'm NOT a critic; I'm just a guy who--after amazingly getting music journalism jobs--ends up talking about the stuff he likes on a critical platform. Maybe I should stick with the coffee business after all.

posted, with grace and poise, by Jason @ 9/17/2006 11:38:00 PM,


At 4:27 PM, Blogger Buddy Chamberlain said...

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At 4:28 PM, Blogger Buddy Chamberlain said...

Sucks to be a writer AND *human* (read:fallen), eh? I still love your work, and wish you wouldn't hold so much of it back in fear, dude. I'll read stuff with typos, etc.

Your perfect grammer or spelling isn't why I love reading your stuff. I love it because it's edgy and interesting. Remember that journal of a ship that ran into weird stuff and the crew started dying? That was awesome! I wish you'd finished that!

And as for the coffee business... is it still a latte if you make it with tea? I mean, I know Star(we want your)bucks calls it a "green tea latte", but I didn't know if that was accurate.

I also know that periods and commas are supposed to go on the inside of commas and parenthesis, but I think they look better on the outside (so that's what I do). Yay me.

At 9:14 PM, Blogger Qere Ketiv said...

Being critical is part and parcel of being human. God created Adam and told him to name the animals, discerning between one and another based on whatever criteria he used. Loving what you are adept at judging is probably the greatest sign of a calling. Which means that I am called to everything because I complain about everything.

At 10:39 PM, Blogger Jason said...

Russ, thanks for the thought. That's probably one of the most assuring things I've heard this week.

Bud, thanks for the compliments. I always trust you to be honest, too.

Yes, tea and latte aren't mutually exclusive. Latte means "milk" in French. "Cafe latte" basically means "coffee milk." That's why chai lattes and other tea lattes also work. What doesn't work is "chai tea latte," since "chai" is a shortened version of the Indian word for "tea." That's like saying "tea tea latte."

Also, you're doing the comma/parentheses thing like the English do. Nothing wrong with that.

At 11:00 PM, Blogger Qere Ketiv said...

You can get a Chai Tea Latte or a Chocalate Mocha with money that you get out of the ATM machine.


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