They say a hero is coming soon, with ivory lungs like huge balloons

So there is a recently-released book-- "American Prometheus," by Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin --that is getting rave reviews. It's about the "father of the atomic bomb," J. Robert Oppenheimer. Booklist called it "[a] remarkable life story."

I think I have a remarkable life story, but I don't have people calling me cool names like "American Zeus." Well, maybe my life ranks as a three on a one-to-ten scale of interestingness, and that's being generous.

But I'm stuck on this name thing. I thought "American Thor" would work well, but I can't divorce "Thor" from the Marvel Comics interpretation. That means I'd have to get a goofy helmet with little wings on it and hang around with the Avengers West Coast dorks (that Vision was a pain in the neck, wasn't he? Androids get the pretty girls, I guess)

So I'm going for American Apollo. I hope I don't get confused with THE Apollo. I think the name could stick. I'd be pretty cool, and awesome and terrifying bringer of justice, but also a cool dude that you could say 'hi' to in passing. I'll go into, what, let's say Target, and head for the men's department, dodging stray shopping carts and wandering customers, scoping out their prices, "Hi, can I help you?"s from the staff, Oh no the prices are too high justice must be done! and I'll flex and rip the fabric of time and space, the lonely shopping carts getting sucked into the black hole of justice I just created, screaming staff screaming that they'll lower the prices but can't because they get sucked into the black hole and even if they didn't they couldn't fix the prices because the price board just went zipppp by my head into nothingness. But I wouldn't always turn Targets into disaster areas. I might see a butterfly and smile and pull my lyre out and make beautiful music. It'd have to be American music, though, since I'd be the American Apollo.

Maybe someone will write a book about me called "American Apollo." I'm sure it'd get rave reviews, and if it didn't I'd fire an arrow from my Bow of Justice and somehow things would be okay. New York Times bestseller, for months--YEARS-- on end. Eat dirt Dan Brown. Maybe DECADES on end.

American Apollo. I kinda like that. But we'll see. I like being Jason a lot too.

posted, with grace and poise, by Jason @ 7/10/2005 08:53:00 AM,

7 Comments:

At 1:44 PM, Blogger Robert C. Hamilton said...

I like it! Especially the part about seeing a butterfly and pulling out the lyre. :-) Oh, and the slam at Dan Brown, too. Heh. I thought you were a good writer before but this site is REALLY eloquent ... keep it up!

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

Don't mess with Target.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Jason said...

I used Target because I like it; if it was Wal-Mart the American Apollo would flex and destroy the entire company just 'cuz.

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

If you sey so, but I don't like the sound of it one bit!

I <3 Target.

The American Apollo, however, can do whatever he wants to Wal-Mart.

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger James said...

Personally, I'd aim for American Dionysus. It just seems like a little less pressure and a lot more fun.

Also, I don't think American Apollo need worry himself about the prices at Wal-mart. They already have a mythical hero dealing with the situation. He's a little yellow smiley who occasionally dresses as Zorro. Odd.

 
At 9:56 PM, Blogger pagereader said...

Hello American Apollo!!! Nice to meetcha. You do realize, don't you, that if you are a fiery bringer of justice that you will have to wear some sort of tights or it just won't work? Any sort-of terrifying hero that has capablities of ripping a hole in the fabric of time must be willing to wear spandex at any given time. You may want to re-think this....

I'm a friend of Cymru's--you've got a great site going on here!

 
At 1:23 AM, Blogger Jason said...

I tried the spandex thing, but it failed after I reversed time in Big Lots. Spandex sticks to your skin when it burns.

 

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